Someone once said to me “be careful that you don’t become so addicted to the struggle that you can never let it go”. The whole concept of the struggling artist doesn’t do anything to alleviate this feeling; its almost as though its expected. Which is crazy as there are a lot of successful artists who aren’t in a perpetual state of flailing around in the gutter. Anyway, its bizarre to think that one could become addicted to something that really isn’t that pleasurable. In my mind an addiction is to something that at least starts out as being amazing then perhaps takes a turn for the peely-wally worst. I don’t think I’ve ever entertained ambitions of scrambling around in the metaphorical or actual gutter. But somehow it is tricky to leave the struggle behind and walk confidently into the next, not so struggling stage.
I’m on a journey with my comedy show that began two years ago. It’s been a small snowball that began with a dear friend telling me he thought I should do my own show and that he simply wanted to see me succeed. It was so straight up and so genuine that that lunch bore the beginnings of what is now Feathers and Toast.
Things have not moved as fast as I would have liked, but in my heart I know its moving at the perfect speed. People have come in and joined me right at the right moment. This slow build I believe will safe guard me against the risk of becoming addicted to the struggle, as I have moved slowly, gaining muscle mass with each new episode so success won’t come as so much of a shock that it sends me back down the ladder again.
A painter last year was showing some of his paintings and he mentioned that he produced 4 paintings a year and that he liked to think that the longer he spent on a painting the longer a person would spend looking at it. During my frustrating times of wishing things were moving at a faster lick, I console myself with this idea and hope it extends also to comedies.
In yoga this week we were learning a challenging arm balance. My teacher said to be careful when you get up there that you don’t get so excited that you forget to breathe and fall down. It struck me that that’s exactly at the point where I am right now with my show. I don’t want to be so addicted to the struggle that when I am arriving at a higher height I feel so unsteady with excitement that I forget to breathe and fall down.
May this day and this week bring breath into your minutes so that come what may you are not propelled back down into any sort of gutter.
There is a time for everything under the sun. A butterfly needs to struggle to strengthen her wings enough to be able to fly; too much struggle though could entrap her forever in the cocoon. That cocoon will be broken out of one day soon and you will fly, beautiful butterfly.
Thank you so much! Am ready to leave the struggle and fly, so lets hope this is the year I take flight! Thank you so much for reading and Happy Happy 2015 to you!