For three weeks I looked at my life and saw the change that has taken place over this past decade. Compared to where I was back then, I am more honest to myself now. The beads have had an impact. But this week, I can’t help but see all the places where I’m dishonest to myself. Maybe it’s the lack of sleep that is wearing me down, but right now, all I see are the moments where I disappoint myself, where I don’t seem to change, where I still struggle. Sadness sets in.

Then I remember one of my first bead lessons.

Even though we change and grow, we are never untied from our patterns and wounds. No matter how much work we put in, we are never free of the chains we or others have put us in. Change and development is a spiral movement where we continue to come back to the same issues over and over. If we make a little correction every time we encounter our issue, we grow and develop. If not, the problem seems to be the one thing growing.

So I put a hand on my heart and soften to the experience.

This is what life is.

What I know for sure is that the beads make me more receptive and present to life, and for that I am grateful.