I put “Honesty” in my jar ten years ago to help keeping myself on track. It felt easy to me, if I would face the word each morning, I would stay true to my heart. Right? (read the previous post to catch up on what lead to this)

This simple word wasn’t as easy as I first thought. Staying true to my heart proved to demand other traits and foundations. During the first five years of the bead practice I learned that in order to be honest with myself and follow my heart’s desires I needed safety. Not only to feel safe with others but also to trust myself and my own abilities. I learned, that as someone who has lived through trauma, the loss of safety is the single biggest wound. Healing my traumas meant restoring a sense of safety.

Regaining that sense of safety led me to take more risks – because that is what honesty demands of us. We have to be willing to disappointment, start a conflict, face rejection, lose love or work if we want to stay true to our heart’s desires. The intention of living an honest life towards myself has led me to take radical decisions, meet my greatest fears and to fulfill dreams.

But this begs the question, is honesty a privilege? Is brokenness the key behind dishonesty?

To me, honesty has become synonymous with being okay about being uncomfortable. To be safe enough to trust my capabilities to meet the potential fallback from taking the risks necessary. This little word, that once felt so simple, proved over this decade to be rather complex.