I am still steeped in the questions and thoughts around the idea of being honest with oneself. My first love was a guy who was an alcoholic. I attended AA meetings with him and was determined to be there and to help him break through and stay sober. During our time together I knew I could smell alcohol on his breath -he completely denied it, telling me it was cough mixture. I later found out from his one eyed Mafia boss that he was drinking again…this was the thing that tipped me over the edge and led to our break up, as I couldn’t handle him not being honest with me when I was doing everything I possibly could to support him. I have a horror of being lied to, and always will say I would rather know the truth and deal with it whatever it might be, than have some fabricated tale in order to protect my feelings. But today thinking about honesty perhaps my boyfriend just couldn’t face up to the truth himself-and so by not telling me the truth he didn’t have to. He could remain locked in a world where he hadn’t fallen off the wagon. A friend told me once that nobody thinks about you as much as you think they do…which was shocking to hear but which I am so glad she said as its saved me a lot of angst thinking on those words. Perhaps honesty comes down to ones own ability to be honest with oneself more often than not in relationships. Perhaps when we take someones words to be dishonest towards us, its because they can’t be honest with themselves. Or perhaps not. Perhaps I’m just giving them an out…good thing I have another 2 weeks to think on.