not either or, but AND.

I’ve been viewing my life and my world in a very black and white, either or, kind of a way.  I’ve been headstrong, and jumped into one thing fully to later decide something else. I’ve been an either or kind of a person. Lately I have felt sick to my stomach about it. Like I am always feeling guilty of something. Say, I’ve been people pleasing all my life, and lately I have been putting myself first. But, nothing is either or, and nothing is black and white. There are shades to every color. So why on earth have I been this rigid?

The fact is that human beings have a strong need to define people, groups and cultures. We want to have clear boundaries. Basically this comes down to a very primal survival tactic, based on our Stone Age life, we need to know what and who our enemies and friends are. It’s a flight or fight response to a very modern world. It’s our friend Fear that shows up yet again, you see?

I’ve been undertaking a journey these past months with a great coach, unraveling and examining many beliefs and habits I’ve grown accustomed to. And this ‘either or’ mentality is one of the dresses I am throwing out of my wardrobe during this spring cleaning. It’s not a small task since it effects pretty much everything in my life. From how I look at (and judge) people, things, my career and then down to little small things what I say I desire, love and hate. But I am done with either or. From now on I am a person who says AND. Let me give you an example… It could be that I most days will eat dairy, wheat and sugar free, AND then on some days I will indulge in cinnamon buns, sourdough bread and delicious cakes. I will be open, loving AND have clear boundaries. I will be helpful to others AND put myself first. You see. The thing is that around all these statements, thoughts and beliefs there are heck of a lot of shame and worry. And it’s those feelings I am sick and tired of. So I am releasing that. From now on I am an AND person, and I will do the best I can. When I fail, I will stand up and try again. Cause when you think about it, we can’t just try and be forgiving people towards others, we very much need to continuously forgive ourselves.


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