not either or, but AND.

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I’ve been viewing my life and my world in a very black and white, either or, kind of a way.  I’ve been headstrong, and jumped into one thing fully to later decide something else. I’ve been an either or kind of a person. Lately I have felt sick to my stomach about it. Like I am always feeling guilty of something. Say, I’ve been people pleasing all my life, and lately I have been putting myself first. But, nothing is either or, and nothing is black and white. There are shades to every color. So why on earth have I been this rigid?

The fact is that human beings have a strong need to define people, groups and cultures. We want to have clear boundaries. Basically this comes down to a very primal survival tactic, based on our Stone Age life, we need to know what and who our enemies and friends are. It’s a flight or fight response to a very modern world. It’s our friend Fear that shows up yet again, you see?

I’ve been undertaking a journey these past months with a great coach, unraveling and examining many beliefs and habits I’ve grown accustomed to. And this ‘either or’ mentality is one of the dresses I am throwing out of my wardrobe during this spring cleaning. It’s not a small task since it effects pretty much everything in my life. From how I look at (and judge) people, things, my career and then down to little small things what I say I desire, love and hate. But I am done with either or. From now on I am a person who says AND. Let me give you an example… It could be that I most days will eat dairy, wheat and sugar free, AND then on some days I will indulge in cinnamon buns, sourdough bread and delicious cakes. I will be open, loving AND have clear boundaries. I will be helpful to others AND put myself first. You see. The thing is that around all these statements, thoughts and beliefs there are heck of a lot of shame and worry. And it’s those feelings I am sick and tired of. So I am releasing that. From now on I am an AND person, and I will do the best I can. When I fail, I will stand up and try again. Cause when you think about it, we can’t just try and be forgiving people towards others, we very much need to continuously forgive ourselves.

Johanna.

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