I’m a recovering People Pleaser.
My basic instinct is to help people, and I tend to go out of my way to make everyone happy – be it work or my professional life. Last year, right about this time, as an exercise from my coach I requested feedback from a few business partners and colleagues. It turned out to be one of the best things I could have done to further my career.
One of many things the feedback showed was that several of my colleagues and business partners wanted me to become more difficult to work with. What? I know! It might sound weird, especially if you ponder that I’m a writer and need to collaborate with a team in order to move the projects forward. But in essence people never want to be a 100% right.
Every single one of my partners and colleagues knew that my eagerness to please wasn’t about whether or not I did a good job (because I did great), but only about my willingness to please. To hear what my People Pleasing did to my work relationships was the instigator I needed to step out of my comfort zone, and to start please myself first.
The past year has been a continuous study in how to break through these old patterns. I have the luxury to have a brilliant, experienced and hugely successful writer as a mentor. We have been talking a lot about this. What it all boils down to is that I need to take a stand for my decisions – and when I don’t, I let myself down – that hurts!
It takes a lot to reprogram one’s thinking. One has to have it on top of ones’s mind, to enable oneself to choose differently every chance one gets. But boy is it powerful?! For every time I take a stand now, I can feel (in every inch of my body) how I regain power, how I can stand taller, and how I gain confidence. And that my friend, is pretty amazing!
So I urge you, what are you not standing up tall for in your life? And maybe, is it time to change that?Tags: people pleaser, recovery, reprogram, responsibility, Taking a stand, The bead movement