Leap of Faith

Leap of Faith

Here I’ve been struggling with fears of being ill and what not for four weeks, and last week I got the results from the doctor and completely forgot to say that I am healthy as a horse. There’s definitely a reason.

First of all the results showed that I was 100% healthy so I guess the issue didn’t bother me anymore once I got the news. There was an instant relief, like I finally could breathe again. The other reason was the scare had set my priorities straight. There’s nothing like being confronted with a possible crisis to spark a reaction in how to go about one’s life.

When I look back at these past few weeks it’s as if I needed to go through all of it to make the right decisions in order to make it to the next level in my life. Quite similar to the structure of a Hollywood movie. Towards the end of the movie the main character has to take a leap of faith to get to the end goal, the good ending.  You know, Bridget Jones needs to risk being hurt or turned down in order for her to get Mr Darcy. Except this is not the final end, but the mere ending of act one. And I think I needed to be pushed towards the cliff in order to take a leap of faith. I had to be confronted with myself, my flaws, what hinders me, and ” death” to advance and grow in my personal and professional life.

The acute realization that my life could be over in a few months made me reevaluate everything, and in a more serious manner than the beads had forced me to before. Since it wasn’t just a matter of handling one week of waiting, but four weeks of continuos tests and  worries I really had had the time to contemplate what’s important and what I choose to spend time doing.

I started to listen more closely to my body’s and soul’s signals. I started to let go of other people’s opinions and to trust my own instincts in a more profound way than before. I started to let go of thoughts, thoughts that I had put on myself as well as what I think other’s might think of me, because most of the time it doesn’t really matter in the present moment. I prioritized what I love doing, and I started to let go of things that didn’t serve me. My path became clearer than it had been before. I started to take better care of my body than I had before. The potential illness had been the wake up call on the fragility of life, and had sparked a need to take better care of myself. I realized that I pre tests and thoughts on cancer had been busy going about life in a manner of getting things done, and that that way might not be called living. It was time for me to pull back a little to treat myself a bit better. My health became a priority. Not just physical health but also mental. What I felt good doing was what I spent time doing. Because the fear of being ill had made me see how easy it could be to loose it all. I decided, that if the tests would show I was healthy, that I in the future would take better care of my body. Because this body is the only one I got. Life’s not like a computer game with a set of extra lives. This is it. So how dare I not treat it the best way I can?

Most of all I believe that if I hadn’t been on The Bead Movement path I probably wouldn’t have been pondering half of all this. What I without a doubt would have been doing otherwise would have been to stir up a whole lot of more fearful thinking. Instead of letting the fears run my mind through these past four weeks I had turned my mind around, and it became a lesson I under no circumstances would have wanted to miss out on. In retrospect I can’t help but think of Guru Singh’s message – we can either learn in joy or through pain. This time I deeply hope I got the lesson, because I don’t wanna learn this through pain.

So take care of yourself. Life’s fragile. After all, we only have one life and it’s up to us how we treat it.

Love, Johanna.

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