The suffering of expectations


Two years have passed since Mhairi and I started our bead movement. We decided it might be a good idea to look back on our journey, and what a journey it has been.

I am forever grateful that Mhairi’s and my paths crossed on a warm December day in 2012 at a Women in Film event in Los Angeles. For two years, since we started our bead ritual, we have talked once a week (with a few exceptions) over Skype. Unlike other relationships me and Mhairi head right into the most important stuff that has happened since last time we talked; the good, the bad and the ugly. We share our desires in life and work, and we help each other see the grander picture. We share with eachother a spiritual journey, and a path of personal growth. Our conversations are deeper than ones I usually hold. My life is a thousand times greater, richer, and more connected because she walked into it.

I have read through the first two months of my blog posts, and one thing became clear to me. It wasn’t directly addressed, but it was the underlying factor to a lot of what I wrote about, and it’s also a matter I still suffer from. Expectations.

Last week I watched an episode of Marie TV. Marie Forleo interviewed Tony Robbins who talked about people having two states – either the state of fulfillment or suffering. Either you are experiencing something good or something bad. To strip all the nonsence of the spectrum of feelings, and make it so basic.I thought it was a liberating thought! Doesn’t it make things clearer? Especially since our experiences are a deliberate choice we make, no matter if we are aware or unaware of them. Another great lesson I have received through the bead movement is trying to become more present, which brings us back to the problems with expectations. An expectation is a future desired or undesired situation, and most often out of our control. I’m all for setting goals and making plans, but I realize that my wish to live a life of happiness might fall short because of my suffering from unmet expectations. And since I’m responsible for my happiness, I know there’s something here for me to learn… The art of letting go of expectations.

What if we would set intentions for what we desire, and then let go of how it will turn out? Gabrielle Bernstein often say this thing , which I of course don’t remember, but the essence is – “please bring me this or something better”. At least for me it’s a question about having faith and to trust that whatever will come is meant to come. And deep down I know it is. Whatever finds me is here to make me grow, and my job is to do the best I can, learn the lessons and keep on walking.

I know I have talked a lot about releasing fears these past two years, and now it’s time to release expectations. This seems trickier though. Tackling fears need action, releasing expectations the opposite. I’ll let you know how it goes. How does expectations rule your life?

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  • Ned Buratovich August 1, 2016 Reply

    How serendipitous to find this blog on August 1, 2017, a first of the month day when, already barely a few hours into it I find myself “suffering from unmet expectations,” mostly about myself, in a private, maudlin prison of my own making.

    My reliable antidote for such mental misery is to return to a state of gratitude for all that is.

    Then, I laugh (lovingly, of course) at myself for being such a sniveling twit and think to myself, like a kidney stone, this too shall pass.

    • Johanna August 7, 2016 Reply

      So glad you found our blog, and yes – things tend to fall in our lap when we need them. Absolutely agree, gratitude is the best antidote! Honoring yourself and our journey works wonder too. All the best,

  • Mhairi August 7, 2016 Reply

    Yes darling. This too shall pass and yes me too, I turn to gratitude when things are challenging. Thanks for reading and hope that your weekend is behaving itself.

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