I used to be


Earlier I had a tendency to hide from conflicts, to duck the penetrating questions, the hard topics, the most daring thoughts, the most heartbreaking facts. The lesson this week brought me was a testament to that I got a new pattern in store.

I was talking to Mhairi on Tuesday, and I blurted out that I felt invaded. Like there are multiple forces testing me at the moment. For some reason I am starting to feel there is point to it. Hopefully it is just there to make me aware so I can write this post, and that nothing more will come out of it (knock on wood).

On Tuesday morning when the news reached me about the attacks in Brussels I felt a dark force invading my world, and later that day I showed an exterminator around in the basement of my building because a rat has invaded our personal sphere. And that are just two of the invasions going on. But the funny thing is, when I pondered why on earth I felt invaded at the moment I got the loveliest epiphany. What I realized was that for every one of the “invasions” I have in one way or another stricken back.

It’s not like I have started a war, or a retaliation program. I have just simply started to take action needed, to somehow state my case, speak my truth, and put my heart out into the world.

Of course I still duck conflicts, but from today and onwards I will not call myself a person who’s scared of conflicts. I just got multiple evidence of the exact opposite. Stating and restating facts about ourselves limits us, it keeps us from growing. We are nothing more or less than the choices we choose for ourselves this very minute. There is magical freedom in that, an abundant room to grow, development and reach above what we have thought to be possible for ourselves. If we let us. So let’s not label ourselves, let’s hold that freedom sacrosanct.

What labels have you or others put on you that you want to free yourself of? Do yourself a favor, start to choose differently now…

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