Lily of the Valley

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I’m staying at my mother’s home for a month while she’s away on a trip. To say staying here brings up a lot of feelings and memories is to say the least. Like I said last week, I love being here, but it also brings to the surface one of my biggest fears.

For the past few days I have been unable to write this week’s post. Most weeks I know what to write, and the words flow freely. But some times are harder than others, and at the moment I’m battling a fear full on, which probably is why I had a hard time getting to this week’s lesson. I did the only thing that works if I have a hard time to write – let it all go and go for a walk.

I drove down to one of my favorite places. It’s a place my grandmother used to take me to. We used to go there to pluck lilies of the valley in the spring, for an adventure during the summer, or to get moss to use for decorations in the winter. As I was walking I let the thought of what this week has left me with, and how that relates to our theme ’home’ simmer in the back of my mind. I let myself sit still on a fallen tree and just listen to the birds in the forrest, and watch what nature had to offer. The lilies of the valley had just started to bloom. So I pluck some, and thought; Home is within me. Home is not a place, nor a region. Home is my center, my soul.

The fear I am battling at the moment is, like any fear, not real. It’s just the sum of experiences that have falsely told me it’s a real threat to my safety. And this fear makes me want to question the safety, the stillness, the wholeness of my soul, i.e. it indirectly tells me my ’home’ is unsafe.

So what do you do about it? You test yourself. You put yourself in situations that confronts you to the fear, and then let you choose a better way to handle it than you have done before. And you give yourself a whole lot of love. So I have prescribed myself a double dose of self care and self love. I don’t know if I’ll ever get rid of this fear, but I surely will give it my best try.

Mhairi and I are always on the lookout for symbols and messages to guide us or help us. The very fact that the beautiful lily of the valley had just started to bloom feels like the perfect sign that I’m on the right way. After all, the flower’s meaning is the return of happiness, and that is what this surrender to the fear will get me. I’m righting wrongs, because it’s time to get rid of the last big fears that limit me in my daily life.  So here’s to fighting fears and the blooming of the lily of the valley!

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