Still returning


Last night I lay on the couch and read a book. This is highly unusual for me as normally the only reading I get done is in the bath or in bed before I fall asleep which means it can take me months to finish a book as often I wake up with the bedside light blasting and the book next to me or on my head. I used to read a lot on afternoons at the weekend and things when I was much much younger and last night felt good. It felt good to be engaged in something imaginative and entertaining in a way that wasn’t staring at a screen.

Its quite amazing to be in this space of taking a month, as Johanna said the other day, to use as a playground. Its meant that i have followed my heart and meandered through things, been drawn into things almost surprisingly. Seeing a line of poetry and wanting to know more about the poet, I listened to an hour podcast about her. Or suddenly today for example, I was on my way to the beach for an afternoon stroll when I past a Vegan Thai restaurant I was drawn to go in and within minutes was eating steamed dumplings and reading about a backpackers hostel in Thailand.

For creative people this space, the time watching the ballet (which I did last weekend) or listening to poetry or eating emergency dumplings, is key I think to allow the ideas to come. The space, the white around the paintings in a gallery to contemplate, to consider, to hear a different point of view or to watch something truly beautiful. Obviously I have work to do and I am doing it but the rest of the time I am really holding necessity and duty at bay to allow room for creatively doing what my heart needs at this moment. In the hope that when the next month comes I have a clear, well imagined idea of what I want to do next which will have come from a play of play and a place deep inside my heart.It feels so incredibly long ago since I was in this relaxed place. I think sometimes, at least for me, when I’ve been in a relationship I have had these moments, these lost days or weekends when we have gone off course or blown where the wind has taken us, but me on my own I haven’t been so carefree. Its like airing out my own soul to take this time and to fiercely guard it as well as there are so many temptations and offers of activities to cram into my days that to block time out on my own can be challenging. But needs must and June marches on. Its taken me a week or so to even ease into allowing myself to let go as much as I have but now that I’m here I can thoroughly recommend it.

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  • Michele Morrison June 19, 2016 Reply

    Love the phrase airing out my soul. Let the light in too. Just BE. That’s all that’s needed.

    • Mhairi June 25, 2016 Reply

      Thanks mum. Yes thats all thats needed and the answers will come. Trust.

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