Stand III

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What has become clear to me these past months doing the bead movement is that everything in my life moves in cycles. The cycles all have the same structure no matter what I am learning, experiencing or investigating. It always starts with a period of expansion where I push myself beyond my comfort zone. It’s scary, and an uneasy move. Then follows a period with a need to let things, feelings, experiences sink in. It’s like I need to go into some kind of hibernation, to withdraw and let things percolate. And after I while I have taken in what I need to take in, and I am ready to break free from the old as I embody or take on that new experience in a more grounded way than I ever could have had in that first stage.

Before the bead movement I was more restless, always wanted to get to the next thing in line. Always wanted to reach something better. It’s nothing wrong with that, but I was never content. Today I have accepted that I am right where I am supposed to be this very minute which is such a peaceful way of living. The positive qualities of that are many, and one of them has to do with this month’s theme “stand”.

I realize that I during these months have become more resilient to setbacks. This acceptance in living in the Now actually enables me to stand up and stand still in a raging storm. Mine and Mhairi’s weekly talks has also enriched that experience. We tend to see and highlight the bigger picture, the lesson and the deeper meaning of events in each other’s lives. It dawned on me today that a year ago it took my quite a while to see and get the lesson I stood in front of, but nowadays I can see and get it in an instant. This new way of looking at my life brings tremendous peace, gratefulness and happiness. Let me give you an example. Today I got some negative news, but the moment I got the information I realized what the bigger purpose with the news was. At first I thought that I had just lost a partner in a project, but the second later I realized that this person had already played his role to the end. In fact that person had already given me all that he could give me, and exactly what I needed in this moment of my life. Since I had my end goal in my mind my initial reaction was disappointment, but what I noticed the second later was that I wasn’t supposed to get anything more from him than I got. He was just meant to be a spark for something else, something bigger. And as soon as I realized that I felt an instant release of anxiety and lack mentality, and I gained calmness and happiness. Instead of feeling short of something  I was now feeling extremely grateful for the time we shared and what he had given me. Because after all, I hadn’t lost anything at all, I had gained something greater.

This is something me and Mhairi talk about a lot. The need to let go of expectations. We are so busy setting up plans and goals for our careers and lives, but just as important as working your way forward is the art of letting go of expectations of how the future will unfold. Because we can’t plan it, and that is how it is meant to be. Whatever the force is, God, Universe or something else, “it” has a grander plan for us, far beyond our imagination. And the sooner we get what it tells us, the sooner we can experience the magic of life.

Love Johanna.

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