So the thing I have been worried about for years happened this past week. I lost my job. I’m a freelancer but have been fortunate to have had a pretty steady writing and VO gig with some TV shows which have suddenly and without warning left the studio where I was working. I felt immediately like when I saw a family of 7 rats outside my apartment door: so shocked at what was happening but almost even more shocked that I was still able to breathe and stand up despite my worst fear actually happening.
As my brother says, make it an opportunity not a problem. Amazing things have happened this week. I have hustled more than ever and doors are opening. In my wild panic I have also been able to see this as a chance for serious change to happen. I also realized that the mere thought/fear of this one day happening has been a weight on my shoulders. I have felt tethered to the shows and what would happen if they left. Well now that they have a huge part of me feels massive relief and a wildness and fancy footloose-ness. The other part of me sees financial ruin and obviously that is not the part I like to dwell in or consider.
As I made my hot lemon and honey the other day I was thinking about a time about 10 years ago where I was seriously financially strapped. I had felt like I was in the Dario Fo play “Cant pay, won’t pay” as bills mounted and me-jobless at that time-watched The Office on repeat in my Kings Cross flat. Well a couple of months later I was living the life I had always wanted and had an amazing 18 month run of wonderful work in Scotland and the Greek Islands. So I was cheered to remember that often a serious lull preambles a serious brilliant time. So there we go, I refuse to fall down the rabbit hole and am instead excited for change to be happening.
The thing thats a little tricky is balance as I feel as though I am driving a Roman chariot, holding the reins of 6 horses, I have to keep each steady or one will ride off like a wild maniac and I risk going over in my chariot. So thats the theme for this month:how to balance ones projects and not slip under the wheels of a out of control chariot. Good that I’m writing this now as I sit with aching shoulder post frantic typing over the past few days. I shall now stop and watch an episode of House of Cards and have a cup of tea. It’s a bit like running a race. When I first started running competitively I would belt out of the gate and then be winded with a stitch halfway round the track. One must pace oneself and try to avoid the initial adrenalin rush in order not to be doubled over barely breathing a few moments later. Right and with that I really must stop typing. Here’s to a wonderful week full of hope, promise, faith and not a broken wheel or a runaway horse to be seen.
Tags: balance, change, excitement, faith, fear, hope, loss, Mhairi Morrison, The bead movement