It’s not you, it’s me.

I found myself the other day confronted with an email that sent me right to a place of anger, resentment and hurt. I was shaking, my heart beat fast, my muscles cramped. I felt right off the bat used and stripped of what was rightfully mine to have.

Ten minutes passed, twenty minutes passed, forty minutes passed. I tried to let go of the anger in order to continue to work. I couldn’t. So I wrote a reply. An angry reply. I didn’t send it, I knew it wasn’t the best idea. I tried to let go of the anger, but every time I pushed the anger aside, my heart started to beat faster and the anger grew bigger (cause that always happens when you try to push something away – it always grows!).

Then I asked myself the question – the problem is not the other person – it is me who is reacting to something that person says. The issue, therefor, must be mine. So why am I reacting in this way? What within me calls for healing? What within me is not whole?

And out poured the answer. Self worth. I need to stand up for myself, not to the other person, but out of love for myself. Let me explain.
My first reaction had been a fearful (angry) response – This person can’t treat me like this!
My second response: I am standing up out of respect and love for myself so let me share how I see it.
You might have guessed right – the way I wrote the reply to this person, with the second response in mind, was out of love not anger or fear. And because of that my email wasn’t attacking that person’s perspective, only showing my view of things.

So what happened?  I got a reply that said that this person could see my side of the story now, and gave me what I asked for.

It was a great lesson, not only in standing up for myself, and being brave enough to walk into a potential conflict, but also to acknowledge what is on me vs what’s on others. We need to own what’s on us, fully, wholeheartedly and bravely. That’s the only way.


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