Home IV – allowing

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Most times it’s not until you have been on a journey, and are on your way home that you find out that you were a little lost when you first embarked on it.

This past month I’ve been away from my home in Stockholm to take care of my mother’s rose nursery in the south of Sweden. I’ve been living in the same house I grew up in, filled with memories, good and bad. In many ways, not only the physical, this past month has been a journey back home.Lately I have been giving a lot to others, so I felt a staggering need to draw back and hibernate. This past month I’ve had a lot of time on my own. I’ve been nurturing the roses, and nurturing myself.

When you take yourself out of your every day life like this something is bound to shift. A few years back I was always running towards something else than the present moment. What has happened over these few years is that I am no longer afraid to take a close look at my life. What I found out this week is that nuances of the same old patterns are still in play in my life. It’s nothing weird about that. Personal development work is a lifelong process… But still, to witness that one still hasn’t gotten rid of the old patterns can still be frustrating. The thought – haven’t I learnt this lesson - is bound to show up.

This past month for me has been about ALLOWING. To let whatever show up, show up – be it uncomfortable feelings, memories or whatever. And in those moments of discomfort feel it, sit with it, and accept it. What helps me is that I believe there’s a reason it shows up in my life in this very moment. It’s something I need to look at, something I need to learn, to take me further.

I’ve not only watered the roses, I’ve watered myself. I have allowed myself time to sit on the beach and stare at the ocean, I’ve smelled the flowers, sat under the trees, enjoyed my coffee etc. Whenever we feel we are being tested or are in a period of growth, it’s so important to fill up the tank with all the things you love. The importance of giving yourself what you need the most. It’s like what they say on the plane – put on your own oxygen mask before you start to help others. I guess, that’s what the theme of May has brought me. I’ve returned home in all the different meanings of the word, and feel more at peace than when I got here.

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